he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
