i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had sex on a dog bed..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
