You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just want nice things and good sex
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.