why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.