there's paper in my vomit.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."