perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!