you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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