chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks