i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
