he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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