do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
