Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
