I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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