dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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