I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
birth control should be required to get into college
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
