I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize