why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
