I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think your dad took our porno
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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