I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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