I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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