If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
