im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
honey bunches of taint.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
