i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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