i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
