I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
