Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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