And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
