im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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