she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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