similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
