When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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