This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dear god my vagina.
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