Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
