im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
