sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
