At least make sure they are 18
Why
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
