How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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