It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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