youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
