God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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