I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
