Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt

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  (317): I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening. (317): And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt http://tfl.nu/9n2q
  Replies (13) Good night (2153) Bad night (563)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  : I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  but u need boobs to get one in the first place.

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  (301): : I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs. (1-301): but u need boobs to get one in the first place. http://tfl.nu/nypm
  Replies (4) Good night (670) Bad night (1222)
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  (408): View more from California

  I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure

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  (408): I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure http://tfl.nu/8j71
  Replies (28) Good night (531) Bad night (1738)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  he broke up with me so i peed in his bed

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  (503): he broke up with me so i peed in his bed http://tfl.nu/g0ev
  Replies (15) Good night (2852) Bad night (1036)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.

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  (515): i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty. http://tfl.nu/51bx
  Replies (13) Good night (622) Bad night (3330)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.

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  (651): You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping. http://tfl.nu/k03m
  Replies (12) Good night (836) Bad night (7265)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

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  (859): you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'. http://tfl.nu/aatj
  Replies (44) Good night (1673) Bad night (6238)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

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  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (5217) Bad night (1162)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!

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  (719): Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?! http://tfl.nu/aect
  Replies (111) Good night (1894) Bad night (8021)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me

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  (702): facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me http://tfl.nu/rfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (3414) Bad night (1480)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car

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  (713): Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car http://tfl.nu/eifp
  Replies (11) Good night (3596) Bad night (1191)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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  (606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g
  Replies (11) Good night (617) Bad night (3740)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.

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  (415): I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS. http://tfl.nu/cwy1
  Replies (7) Good night (1120) Bad night (534)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"

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  (301): And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok" http://tfl.nu/hwnp
  Replies (5) Good night (375) Bad night (655)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.

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  (248): Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty. http://tfl.nu/b16d
  Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (429)

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