maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...