Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.