Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.

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  (978): Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant. http://tfl.nu/yb46
  Replies (37) Good night (11888) Bad night (908)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.

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  (713): All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/461a
  Replies (32) Good night (1643) Bad night (2667)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.

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  (901): Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods. http://tfl.nu/16un
  Replies (26) Good night (4127) Bad night (692)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my period, period, period

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  (540): birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex (703): I'm on my period, period, period http://tfl.nu/vsrk
  Replies (72) Good night (2051) Bad night (16046)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.

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  (847): I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around. http://tfl.nu/b39f
  Replies (10) Good night (1336) Bad night (4800)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.

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  (512): Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky. http://tfl.nu/on0b
  Replies (17) Good night (5843) Bad night (1695)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

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  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (4267) Bad night (1125)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.

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  (651): No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep. http://tfl.nu/9hze
  Replies (8) Good night (2431) Bad night (797)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.

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  (307): Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids. http://tfl.nu/60tn
  Replies (15) Good night (3320) Bad night (793)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.

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  (360): sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name. http://tfl.nu/z35x
  Replies (12) Good night (2894) Bad night (801)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.

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  (908): Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more. http://tfl.nu/qarz
  Replies (6) Good night (594) Bad night (1429)
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  (949): View more from California

  What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?

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  (949): What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"? http://tfl.nu/v4r0
  Replies (5) Good night (422) Bad night (763)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.

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  (603): seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed. http://tfl.nu/l8pu
  Replies (6) Good night (338) Bad night (504)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!

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  (+44): Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas! http://tfl.nu/iawo
  Replies (0) Good night (730) Bad night (327)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon

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  (812): Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon http://tfl.nu/5eu4
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (145)

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