What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
