Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
