what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
