so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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