Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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