Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
