Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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