so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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