My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
