not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
