I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
