Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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