I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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