I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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