So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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