First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
