Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
