I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
