help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
