so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
