just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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