She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
