so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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