I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
