is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
