I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
