this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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