I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your penis caused this!
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