im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
