THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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