my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
