My Higher Power is John Stamos
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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