my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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