If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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