I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if only i could text you this smell
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
