I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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