one two three fourrrrnication!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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