but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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