let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
