Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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