we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i believe in u and ur pee
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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