did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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