I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So. Much. Porn.
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