If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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