Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
