Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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