Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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