I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
