come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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