Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
