highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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