i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
