i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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