You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
